Visit a psychic

“We walked up the steps to her front door, and I turned the knob. It was locked. Liza Minnelli rang the bell, and a woman wearing a flowing nightgown opened the door with a confused look on her face that said, “why did you just try to break into my home?” I looked behind her and realized her office/studio/lair was, in fact, her living room. There was a little boy standing in the middle of the room in his underwear, clutching a bottle of milk that he was about four years too old for. [...] I volunteered to go first, and Carol led me into the cave and closed the door slowly behind us with a devilish grin. She’s really legit! I thought to myself as the door creaked spookily, as if on cue. In the corner of the room I noticed apothecary jars filled with different colored crystals and powders, a deck of tarot cards, and a crystal ball.”

“Hold out your hands…” Her eyes closed and she meditated for a second before saying, “You’re a very positive person.” [...] “I see that you are in a loving relationship. A very committed relationship. Is this true?” “Yes!” I replied, in awe. “How did you know??” She stared at me and closed her eyes again. I will never know how she was able to guess that I’m married. There’s just no way for her to have known, except being psychic. [...] “Do you have any questions for me?” I thought about it for a minute. I hadn’t come prepared with questions. “Do you know, like, where I’m going to be moving in the future?” She closed her eyes again, squinted, and said, “I don’t see you moving any time soon.”

“What? Done? Already?! It had been only ten minutes. She led me out to the living room where Liza Minnelli sat waiting for us. She looked terrified as Carol beckoned her to the cave, a sea of mystical nightgown billowing in her wake. As I waited for Liza to return, the little boy in the underwear ventured out again, creeping around the room like an animal, hiding behind the couch and peeping out at me. He got closer and closer, popping up and down from behind various pieces of furniture to peer at me. Suddenly, the old man from the other room called him again, and he darted out of the room like a chipmunk. I briefly wondered if he was a real person or a spirit animal, or some other psychic accoutrement.”