Use a valet service

“I do my damnedest to play the part. To at least seem like I’m polished enough to warrant someone parking my car for me. Valet is a luxury that takes some getting used to. It’s the kind of experience that requires practice. How elegantly should I step out of the driver’s seat? Are my keys ready for the handoff? Which pocket will I put the ticket in to avoid losing it? These are questions that demand answers before you arrive. No matter how much I prepare, I inevitably fumble for my keys in my left pants pocket. Something will get caught on the fabric and I’ll struggle to get them out, or worse, drop them on the ground, necessitating I bend down to pick them up. I’ll assure the valet that I have in fact driven a car before and usually I’m quite skilled at it.”

“If we’re being truly rational, the period from the time you surrender your keys to the moment you collect your vehicle should be an interregnum that fills the heart with dread. Your car could be damaged. The valet might fiddle with all your presets, move your seat or adjust your mirrors. Most of the time, the valet shuts off my oppressively cold air conditioner, forcing me into a readjustment period to get the temperature back to 68 degrees before I can speed off into the evening.”