Go on a meditation retreat.

“Oh boy. I attended one of these recently and I went not knowing what I wanted to get out of it and by not knowing I had no real expectations. I actually left early (day 7) so I’m not sure what I missed BUT I will say I found what I (didn’t even know) I was looking for! On the night of day 6 I felt the deepest and most full body emotion I’ve ever felt. It was happiness and I felt it all through my body like I had felt my heartbeat. From my heart to the tips of each finger, to all of my toes and up to my eyeballs. Truly it was all consuming happiness. The happiness arose because I felt I should be with my family since I live on the other side of the country and hadn’t seen them in close to a year. It was so all consuming that even into the next day I couldn’t shake it and once I walked out of the reservation I called a Lyft and payed $180 to take me to my place (didn’t even care about the money and I’m rich by no means!). I realized nothing would stop me from seeing my family and so in the Lyft on my way home I purchased a plane ticket leaving at 4am the next day and I still have zero regrets about leaving early because I still remember that feeling. The meditation itself was very good and I can confirm most things you said to be true in my circumstances as well. I will say though that every morning I woke up fresh and ready to get to it but every night I went to bed feeling beaten and dejected. We meditated for approximately 11 hours a day and during that time it felt as if I was forced to relive my life (a very troublesome one at that) many times over. All in all a great experience and I realized the “why” behind why I did so many things and felt a certain way about many other things as well. I will sum it up by saying what I say to anyone who has asked me about my experience and that is this... I would never push someone to do it because it definitely beat me up mentally, however I will say I took many good things away.”

“You spend 10 long, long days doing this. And to tell you the truth, it was the longest 10 days of my life. I didn’t get any of the wisdom that I was told would happen. My entire life didn’t get put into order. When i came out, i didn’t have unlimited focus for working on projects. But here’s what I did get: During this long 10 days, I spent a lot of time just feeling like this will last forever, that I’m never going to get out of this, and that I can’t wait to talk again or see my family again, but it felt like that would never happen. But when i came out of the retreat, I realized that it was actually temporary. And that everything, is temporary, and that is very freeing. It made me more capable to take risks in my life, because I now have the wisdom that everything really does rise and pass away. And this helped me to break down the barriers that i have in my life that are stopping me from going after what I want. I used to have fear, but now I can understand that everything is transient and even if i put myself in a nerve wracking situation, that too, like everything else, will pass. So may as well face your fears.”