Meditate

“I wasn't really thinking anything it was really peaceful, then while I couldn't really see anything my surroundings felt like they were getting large and moving close and away from me like some sort of delirious fever dream. then my view of darkness became one point, feeling like I was a Cyclops. I couldn't tell which hand I had on which like they were crossed through each other. my mind felt completely void of anything, apart from what I was witnessing, where I didn't even think about what I was experiencing I just felt it and that was it. it got really intense sometimes like I was coming up on acid which felt really weird. I didn't expect meditation to feel so intense.”

“At first, it was difficult. My mind was a flurry of activity and my mantra was, 'How much longer. How much longer…' [...] But, as I persisted, something counter-intuitive happened. I began to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts rather than trying to push them away. They began to lose their power over me. Rather than swallowing me up whole, the edges became less sharp, more bearable. The unthinkable became manageable. The hysteria that was always there under the surface was replaced by a sense of calm. Kind of like, 'I've got this.'”

“Day one was harder than I expected. Sitting still felt physically uncomfortable. My nose itched. My back hurt. My mind wandered to my inbox approximately every 15 seconds. When the instructor said 'simply notice your thoughts without judgment,' I judged myself for having so many thoughts. The irony wasn't lost on me. [...] On day five, I noticed I was breathing. I know that sounds ridiculous—of course I was breathing—but I mean I actually noticed my breath for maybe three consecutive breaths without my mind wandering. It lasted maybe 10 seconds, but it was the first moment I understood what meditation was actually trying to teach me.”